#49

 The emotional and physical abuse your body goes through having epilepsy is very difficult, if not impossible, to explain to someone who has never gone through it. Trying to explain the overwhelming emotions you have after having a seizure is frustrating 

Bucket List

 Now, I don't mean to sound morbid, but it is true that people can die of epilepsy. So since we all only live once, I thought about writing down some things I want to do in my lifetime. 

• Go whale watching in Hawaii
• Visit Ireland
• Fall in love and be loved back
• Visit the Charles M. Schulz Museum
• Read 100 books in 1 year
• Watch every episode of Emergency!
• Meet Randy Mantooth and Kevin Tighe
• See the Grand Canyon
• Visit the Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum
• Go to Australia
• Donate an item to Toys For Tots
• Go to London
• Buy my first home
• Save a life
• Visit the La Brea Tar Pits Museum
• Be fluent in Spanish
• I should make healthier decisions
• Go to a drive-in movie
• Meet Ron Howard & Clint Howard
• Visit the gravesite of Robin Gibb
• Be a mom
• Write a book
• Meet Barry Gibb
• Swim with dolphins
• Hold a koala
• Visit the Isle of Man

Now you see me, now you don't!

 This is a true fact for me when it comes to dealing with epilepsy!

What you can see:

Love

Triumph

Laughter

Peace

Calm

Safety 

Joy

What you CAN'T see:

Flashbacks

Stress

Paranoia

Triggers

Trauma

Anxiety

Depression

Fear

Exhaustion

Insomnia

Pain

-jessi

48

When you feel stressed or you get mad about something and your mom says to you, "Don't have a seizure over it!"

WTF? Everyone gets upset at times! My seizures are not always a result of my emotions!

-jessi

Pissed off!

I got a letter in the mail saying that the attorney is no longer going to represent me to get disability.
They even had enough gall to upset me by calling and saying that I should "get with the program when a doctor suggests surgeries or hospital stays." 😠

I was also told "You could try getting another attorney...but I wouldn't recommend it."

Honestly, I'm inches away from just giving up. 

47

When a new doctor talks to you about having a VNS implant as if it's your only hope of having control over seizures. 

When a doctor was telling me the best possible type of treatment would be the VNS implant, she was sounding as if that would be my only hope of having a life seizure-free. I don't like the word surgery to begin with. Plus there's no telling whether it would or wouldn't work. Everyone's different, I think.

46

When the injuries you get from your seizures make simple things like brushing your hair or getting dressed intensely painful. 

The summer before my senior year of high school, I had a grand mal seizure and ended up not only with a concussion and bad sunburn, but I had dislocated my shoulder. I couldn't lift it without being ready to scream.
Trying to put my shirt on hurt.
Trying to lift my arm so I could brush my hair hurt.
So I had to rely on my nan to help me do such things for the rest of the vacation, which very much sucked! :(